Being a parent is life changing. Being a single parent, that can turn your world upside-down, backwards, and inside out. I am by no means perfect or an expert on being a single mom, but I have learned a thing or two in my short time solo.
Feel, don't dwell.
Odds are, you just ended a relationship that meant a lot to you. You are allowed to feel. You are allowed to be mad, sad, upset, however you feel. BUT don't let it stop you from enjoying time with your kiddo, living life, or SLEEPING! Don't dwell and get stuck in those feelings. Use them to allow you to progress. Cry when you need to. Yell in your car. Give yourself time to feel. and then move past that time. Know that once the relationship is done and you think you have healed, the hurt may not be gone. There may be feelings that stick around for a long time and creep up when you least expect it. there may be new things that come up. You might have to go to court, find out about another girl or another lie from your relationship, see them get in a new relationship, file papers, and see them frequently. All those things HURT. But you can't let them ruin you or define you.
Your feelings are yours
When you have a kid with someone, you can't usually 100% cut them out of your life. But, if it was a toxic relationship like mine was, you can't let the other person continue to manipulate your feelings. Don't let them ruin your day. YOU control how you feel. YOU control how YOU act. I have found it that it is always better to take the high road, even when it is the last thing you want to do.
Find your team
As a single parent, you have 10,000 things on your plate and another 900,000,000 things that are on your table. Accept help. Find your people. Whether that is the person who will occupy your kiddo(s) while you go to the store or that important meeting. Find you your person who leaves ice cream on your door step when you've had a tough week. Allow others into the chaos that is your life. Don't always put on a perfect front for every person. Vent to someone. You aren't alone.
Enjoy it!
While I was really sad, hurt upset, you name it about ending my engagement, it was also a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. The relationship I was in was not healthy. I was sad, depressed, gaining weight, and it was certainly not a good place to raise a child. Now, this is not blaming these things on my ex. I chose to stay in the relationship when it was unhealthy. I allowed myself to become these things. So once I was no longer in that relationship, I was much happier. I have lost over 20lbs (woot woot!), I sleep way more because I'm not waiting for someone who may or may not come home, and I know that my happiness is my responsibility.
Flexible schedules
I thrive off schedules. Everyone knows that babies and kids also thrive of routines, schedules, and predictability. I have my daily schedule that I stick to pretty seriously. However, with kids, schedules go out the window sometimes. Go with the flow, do your best to be consistent, and do what works for you! I set a bunch of alarms for our day. Easton's sleep schedule is pretty unpredictable due to all the hospital stays, but we consistently do breakfast, lunch, and dinner, as well as a bath and books before bed. What happens in between that, is kind of up in the air!
Find YOUR song
Cheesy as it is, find the song you need now. Crank it in your car. Sing it loud. Mine has changed a bit over time. Currently it is "Praying" by Kesha. Here is a snapshot of the lyrics that I jam to at least 3 times a day.
"Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come 'Cause I can make it on my own, oh And I don't need you, I found a strength I've never known"
Little Rocks
I have come to realize that the rock in my life is Easton. Some days, I feel like crap. I'm sad, and I just want to stay in bed and stay sad. But I don't. I get up for him. He makes me smile and laugh and he is so strong, he grounds me. He may not understand it, but he is my rock.
Take care of yourself
This is always one of those sayings I take with a grain of salt. It is soooo easy to say but in the middle of a catastrophe, it is so hard to do. Brush your teeth, wash your hair if you have a chance, and eat something. Go to the doctor when you need to, even if "there is no time", see the dentist, wash your sheet. Do your best.
Stronger
It is kind of the story of my life. But you the saying "you don't know how strong you are until you have to be". It's so true. Throughout my relationship with my ex I used to get told things like "you'll just have to do it by yourself", "can't you just do it yourself" or "why do you need my help". I used to tear myself up over these things. But in the long run, I am so thankful he used to say those things. All it proved to me was that I would be okay by myself and I COULD do it on my own. You really are stronger than you think you are.
If you are a single parent, you are rocking it! Hang in there!
If you know a single parent, give them a hug and a coffee. Trust me, they need it!
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