When you find out you are pregnant, you dream of the day when you get to hold your healthy, chubby baby. What do you do when the day finally comes and your baby isn't healthy. Whether it happens right away to your infant or further into their adolescence, a failure to thrive diagnoses can be hard to handle as a parent.
PSA: Failure to Thrive (FTT) does not equal small. FTT is all about the trend. In our case, Easton is small and always has been. In some FTT cases, a child was large and stops growing, they could have FTT and be "average size" for child their age. Also, FTT is not just being little, it is an actual medical diagnoses. You will hear "My kids were all small" many times when you tell people your child has FTT. Not the same. Just smile and move along.
First thing first, don't blame yourself! Most likely, you were doing everything you could to get your child to eat and gain weight prior to this. I'm sure you have googled "how much should my child eat?" "average weight of a ____ month/year old" and everything else in between. News flash, it is not your fault. Whether it is a medical issue or a piece of your child's genetic make up, you can't blame yourself. I cried leaving that first doctor's appointment when FTT was added to our list. I felt I did something wrong or wasn't doing enough. Now, 11 months later. Easton still has FTT and we still struggle because of his physical issues, but there is nothing more we could be doing to prevent it.
Think of failure to thrive (FTT) as a symptom, not a final diagnoses. This was advice one of our specialist gave to me when I was struggling. It is usually a sign or a precursor to an underlying issue or condition. It is not the final diagnoses.
Your child HAS FTT, they are not FTT. This does not define them and their whole life doesn't revolve around this (although at times it can feel like it.) Don't treat your child differently. This may seem like picky terminology, but for myself it really does make a difference. No doctor would ever say "Your child IS cancer." They would say "Your child HAS cancer." So why is it that so many people say "your child IS failure to thrive?"
The scale is going to be your best "frenemy". Weighing your child will make you cry sometimes. Happy and relieved tears when they gain weight. Sad tears when they lose weight. Frustrated tears when the number won't budge for weeks on end.
Stop looking at the numbers, the scale, the graphs. It is so easy to OBSESS over your babies weight when they are struggling. We do weekly weight checks with a nurse, and midweek checks at home. In the hospital, he is weighed everyday. It blows my mind when someone says their kid weighs "like 20lbs or something." I know that Easton weighs EXACTLY 16lbs 7.5oz. Which is a 4.5oz loss from last weigh in but a 3.25oz gain from the week before. Knowledge can be power, but it can also be crippling. Some days, just don't look at the number. Or at least don't analyze it. Accept it, report it, and move on. That's my weigh in day motto. This is MY biggest struggle with Easton's weight. As you can see by Easton's graph... he has had a lot of weight checks. ALOT. And I have recorded every single one. i am a doer, to it is frustrating when I can't DO something. So I overanalyze it. We are all working on things here!
Get used to people commenting on it. I personally hear "He is so small" "My kid is SO chunky (like its a negative thing)" "he is so cute and little" "he is HOW old?" "Oh my 1 year old is/was way bigger". every single time we go anywhere. Just brush it off the best you can. Easton is the size of the average six month old and I get very different reactions when I say he is a year old. If you know someone with a child who has failure to thrive, just don't comment on it. Trust me, they are VERY aware of their child size.
Patience. If you know me, I'm not very patient. At all. Ever. But weight gain and new trends don't happen over night. If I had a dollar for every time a doctor said "let's just wait and see", I'd have like... well, a lot of dollars. It is my least favorite saying by far. But, it is something that I have just come to know and accept. When Easton didn't gain weight for a month, I was worried. Then two months went by... then three. We are going on four months and still the same weight. And man this is FRUSTERATING. So, tap in to your patience and hold on for the ride.
Hang in there! You are doing great!
Emma
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